The Japanese have this beautiful thing built into their culture called kintsugi. When a piece of pottery breaks, instead of throwing it out, the piece is put back together and the cracks are filled with lacquer and gold. The flaw is seen as part of the object’s history, adding to its beauty. This is my story with God. My kintsugi.
When my father died, something inside me broke. I tried to hide my pain, but I eventually lashed out. I was angry with God. So I decided that if God wanted my worship and obedience, what he would get from me was irreverent rebellion. In my anger, I repeatedly hurt myself and the people around me. I abused myself with drugs and alcohol. I hated myself. I attempted to end my life several times. I had no peace.
It wasn’t until I’d come to the end of myself, exhausted and miserable, that I cried out to God. I literally cried out. And he answered in the strangest way. He introduced me to RK–someone who he loved and who actually knew him. RK showed me how death is the greatest enemy of God. And when I found out that God hadn’t taken my Dad, I found a peace that I hadn’t had in all my years away from God.
In the years that have followed, my relationship with God has continued to grow. He truly is a restorer of broken things. If you knew me before, you’d know just how different my life is now. My life is full of a contentment I’d longed for and I know without a doubt that God loves me. He has truly taken the broken things in me and made them beautiful.